The All Mighty Ego...

=========Personal Discovery:============

We all have one, some of us more then others! It's a Big bad EGO! I realized mine has been "showing" in training!!

Last week I was rolling with a guy I was starting to "gas" real fast and real hard, he had me in a choke that wasn't really on however I didn't have enough in the tank to fight my way out of it!!

Due to gassing and having my head in a tight space, I felt really INSECURE and I mean to the point that my EGO wanted to "show" it's ugly head through "anger" and I wanted to explode out of the hold and get him and rip him apart!!

What did I do? I "tapped" out!!

Am I a Champ or a Chump? To some, I'm a big TIME "chump" end of story! At the time I felt like one trust me, I was gutted to have got caught by someone I can beat and to not have the energy to get out!! (I did get caught again from him about 90sec later in the same choke! Same feelings same result!)

Here's the lesson I have learn't from that experience on reflection!

When I'm rolling with people of the same belt level (actually they are all higher as I'm a white belt), I don't allow myself to be dominated because my EGO wants to win and my EGO/Insecurities don't like the feeling of being spanked or dominated!

I know intellectual that we all must "lose" in order to win, and I thought I was ok with it, man was I wrong!!

I related it too life and realized the same thing, in life I have the same "issue" when a person/(male) try's to dominate me through EGO, often I fire up and want to fight fire with fire!!

This is my EGO/Insecurity's fighting another person's ego/insecurities, I consider myself very passive until I'm confronted with a Bully type person.....

The result of knowing this, well last night I consciously choose positions that would allow me to get dominated so I could "deal" with my ego/insecurities, it felt great after wards to "let go" of my ego! I know I still have work to do in this area however it's a great start to be conscious of it and then go to the "hole" that brings out my ego.

To my EGO, you haven't got the best of me :-)

The basic ego patterns are designed to combat it's own deep-seated fear and sense of lack. They are resistance, control, power, greed, defense, attack. Some of the ego's strategies are extremely clever, yet they never truly solve any of it's problems, simply because the ego itself is the PROBLEM!

From the book, The Power of Now;
by Eckhart Tolle

===========Training=============
I'm now in Phase 2 (Power Phase) of my training for Australia BJJ Nationals:
Didn't get off to a great start yesterday with not doing my Power training due to lack of communication between Tracey and I with "time's" etc.. however I'm still on track and learn't more on the mat with extra rolling!

==========Personal==============
Had the Sommah and Kayleb all weekend, was awesome we had heaps of fun, just mucking around at home. Sommah and I went to Harry Potter movie which was cool, was just great to be all together for a lazy weekend!!

That's it from me for now, take care and much love to all.

Missing sessions....

Funny after posting about my training template and HOW I haven't missed a workout, I've started missing some, kind of!

I didn't go to BJJ or League training last Tuesday on the 3rd July. I'm glad I didn't as well as with doing the extra work being a postie it's been kicking my butt with the change of weather i.e. wind, cold just takes it out of you plus with all the extra training I'm doing it's making it a challenge!!

The other reason I didn't go, is because that would make it 4 nights I'm away from Tracey. I get up at 5am return home about 9ish to eat then do my postie round get home about 1ish leave again 4:30ish to train and return home around 7:30pm. When she's travelling it's great it gives me something to do but when she's home I do feel a bit guilty, I mean I leave first thing and don't see her again till after 7 when sometimes I'm smashed and ready for bed again at 9:30pm!!

So with all these "feelings" about being stuffed and Tracey I decieded to stay home and spend time with her for a change!! I'm glad I did too!

Had my final booze up in the weekend which lasted till 4am! I'm still suffering and contemplating not going to training tonight because I'm still buggered from getting on it!! While my other "justifications" may sound justifiable and to some they are, after all I used it without guilt for missing training that's for sure!!

This is not acceptable!! I will not be drinking for a while as it does nothing for you when you are trying to achieve a goal! Plus there is another reason that will be reveled in due course however I will not be getting on the Pi$$ again to at least this tournament is over and maybe longer!!

*****Family**********
Took Kayleb to the movies the other day to watch Transformers, he loved it!! The story was beyond him but the transformers doing their thing wasn't!! Highly recommend taking the kids along.

He was asking me questions right throughout the movie which I had to ask him to ssshhhh. His reply, STOP telling me to ssshhh dad, why are you telling me to ssshhhh!?!

Very cute! Sommah is over the coast working very hard by the sounds of it, Tracey and Kayleb where going over their for the weekend until it snowed through the pass so trip canceled.
*******************
That's it from me, love to all!

Week 2 of 11...The Journey Cont.....

I'm just at the beginning of week 2 of 11 before the BJJ tournament in Aussie, still haven't paid entry fee or for flights yet waiting for some "special" for the flight to come along, which it will!!

I haven't missed a training session yet and juggling it all so far from personal to training to work! My schedule looks like this:

Week 1: Monday 25^th June to Sunday 1^st July 07

Day	Monday	Tuesday	Wed	Thursday	Friday	Sat
AM	Work 6-2pm	Work 6-2pm	Work 6-2pm	Work 6-2pm	Work 6-2pm	Work 10-2pm
PM	Gym 4:30pm Stre 5x 5 BJJ @ 6-7:30pm	League Training or BJJ every other wk	Gym 4:30pm Stre 5x 5 BJJ @ 6-7:30pm	League Training	Rest	Kaiapoi vs Riccarton 3pm

I get about 3-4hrs from end of work till gym work and then BJJ training some times I'm stuffed in that 4hr window!

Training:
The gym work hasn't been too "stressful" although each week, I'm raising the intensity! My goal in the first 4wks is to increase my foundational strength in the gym and each week raise the intensity by adding functional exercises into the recovery part of the foundational movements.

I've been so inconsistent with gym training this year that lifting heavy is HARD work at the moment and is taxing my cardiovascular system!!

I'm finding League training a little 'difficult' at times as my attention span is very limited because i don't get the same intellectual stimulus from Rugby League as I do from BJJ! I feel the league will take care of itself though i.e. my BJJ conditioning/training will transfer over to the league finals in late August as it's my Power phase then!! :-)

Personally:
I'm loving 'knowing' what I'm doing it gives me something to focus on! I do find switching "on" and "off" a little hard though, especially as the intensity of training starts to increase! I will be more conscious of switching 'on' and 'off'. What will help me is that I'm a father, partner and friend FIRST and a competitive male 2nd! No arguments end of story!

I no longer have 'scared' mindtalk, the more I train on the mat and in the gym the more constructive my talk is to myself! I have 100% belief that I will NOT lose because of Strength or Conditioning, PERIOD!!

Well that's enough about me so far, will talk more about the kids in the next post :-)